we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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