oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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