My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize