I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
