I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
