He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
