Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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