living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
