2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
