I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
