wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
