just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
