We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
