You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
