i jhust puked up my retainher.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
