All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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