Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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