Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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