omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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