we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
