Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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