If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Every concussion has its silver lining
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
