I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
