im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she told me i tasted like america
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
