Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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