I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
