I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
