do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
