Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
