sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
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