my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
