I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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