Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
