I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
