um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she peed on how many people?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize