I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
