I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
