My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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