i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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