question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
