addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
