My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
