I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
