I skipped work to stalk him.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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