so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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