Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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