can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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