cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
