We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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