Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
