I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
