How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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