I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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