so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
