you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
