Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
