if only i could text you this smell
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
