areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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