you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
