My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
