The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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