Cold hands, warm shart.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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