it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
