Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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