I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
