We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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