I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
this is an emotional support booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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