I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize