I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
