So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
