My underwear smells like fireworks.
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I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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