I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
