you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my sisters under your porch take her home
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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