Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
