I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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