Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
