Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
