that's an acceptable place to lick
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
